My thoughts on Wally's last days. . .

I have not had the time or the heart to write this post because that would mean that I will have to admit to myself that Wally is really gone. It has been a really packed last month. And it was only a month. One month ago, on August 14 Wally fell. That was the beginning of the end. Things moved very fast. It was good that he did not suffer, but it has left those of us still here in a state of disbelief. Wally was never a man to sit by and let life pass. . .he was always activly involved in it! Seeing him decline was not easy. He was a man who hated to be waited on so I know the last month must have been really hard for him. As a matter of fact, each time something was taken away from Wally, be it the ability to walk around the grocery store and not use the electric scooter, or in the end, the ability to walk at all, he handled it all with grace and strength. I thought he would fight it and yell at us for treating him like an invalid or something, but he just quietly accepted the help that was offered because he knew that he needed it. It tore my heart up to see him reduced to having to use a wheelchair if he wanted to take more then 4 or 5 steps.

While he was in the hospital we all knew if he was having a good day because he would flirt with the nurses and the doctors (2 of his doctors were sweet women- both of them pregnant. . .but that did not stop the flirting!)! Wally did lots of winking the last few weeks of his life. . .just like he did for the first 84 years I imagine! The nurses took great care of him and grew very fond of him. . . was hard not to.

Wally was very happy to be home and the first day and a half home I thought we had made the wrong decision in calling hospice care in. He really perked up being in his familiar surroundings and I thought he was going to surprise everyone and get better. Thursday morning around 10:30 when he woke up he asked me to make him a piece of toast and an over easy egg. I did and he ate it ALL along with a glass of milk. Wally told the hospice nurse when she came that I should be a PCT because of all I was doing to take care of him. I had to ask her what a PCT was! (Patient Care Tech, by the way!) Then he slept for awhile after that. When he woke up he wanted me to clean the dust off the wall and showed me exactly how he wanted it done! I finally did it the way he wanted and he was satisfied. I suppose from his vantage point he could see the dust better. . .lol. Then he had some visitors. Our neighbor, Bonnie, came over and was sitting by his bed. Maeghan was also in the room with us. He asked me to get out a box of chocolate he had and pass it around. He even ate one. Wally wanted to know if I was going to the store, I told him not right now . Then he told me to make sure to bring him his wallet the next time I went to the store. I want you to get something special with it he winked. I'll need more chocolate to pass around he said. He has told be a few weeks earlier that he always took chocolates back to the nurses at the hospital after he had been there in the past. I knew he was asking me to help him fulfill that wish. After a good visit I went upstairs to make dinner and Wally rested.

When I came down to bring him his food I tried to help him get comfortable in the bed but he could not find a position he liked. He was getting frustrated in not being able to do what he wanted. After several minutes he suddenly stopped and tried to throw back his covers. Then he really surprised me by trying to swing is legs out of bed. It had been sometime since he had gotten up, so I was worried. As a matter of fact at the hospital he had a blue star on the door of his room. The nurses told me that meant that he was a fall risk. I tried as best I could to help him and keep him from falling. I called Ralph for "back-up". He sat in his chair and just looked exhausted from doing all of that. By this time Bonnie and our other neighbor Karen had arrived. Wally was still kind of restless, but seemed much happier to be sitting in his favorite chair. Bonnie fed him his dinner since the tray would not fit on the chair. He gave her more then a few of his "looks" to let her know who was boss! He ended up eating a couple of bites of salmon, a tator tot and a couple of bites of home grown tomotoes. He ate several bites of the homemade cheesecake that Bonnie had brought over then was done.

We could all tell that he was exhausted but he did not seem ready to get back in bed. It became apparent to us that it was not that he was not ready, but he was not able to get back in bed on his own. So I gently helped him up and back into bed. Wally rapidly declined from that point.

Friday morning the hospice nurse came and she told me she did not think Wally would make it to see Monday. I informed Bill that he should come now if he wanted to say goodbye. Wally was put on a 6 hour watch, which meant that a nurse would come every six hours to check on him. In between that I took care of him, giving him his medicine and trying to keep him comfortable. Later that afternoon we switched from having pain meds every 3 hours to once an hour. Karen sat with him while I ran to the grocery store. A few hours later, at about 12:45 AM, Friday morning, Bonnie stayed with him while I took a shower. This refresed me so that I could stay up the rest of the night with him.

One of the hospice nurses, Bob, came at 2:15 to check on him. His vitals had not changed much from earlier. Bob was extremly surprised because just the day before he had sat with Wally and talked about their collections and now he was pretty much asleep the whole time. He left awhile later. When it was time for Wally's 4:45 dose of meds, I noticed that he had fluid in his mouth. this indicated that his lungs were full so I called the hospice nurse. They said they would be out soon. When the nurse arrived at around 6:15 am she put Wally on what they call "continuous care". Continuous care means they think he could die at any moment and they will stay with you to facilitate keeping him comfortable. At 6:40, I woke Ralph up and he came down and sat with his dad too. Our neighbor Bonnie also came back. Soon our pastor came as well. At this point we were all praying that Wally could hold out until Bill arrived. We kept vigil for several hours then Ralph and our pastor went to pick Bill up from the airport. You know the rest from Ralph's post. Our wonderful friends and neighbors have come in and helped us with meals and housekeeping that had been left undone as we cared for Wally. We will all miss him very much. I bought some Whitmans samplers on his behalf and will visit the hospital tomorrow and fulfill one of his last wishes.